Most of our lives fall in a fluid gray area, which can not be classified in neat tidy categories like Happiness and Unhappiness.
This gray area witness flash moments of happiness followed by stretches of despair and some unusual beautiful coexistence of both; Repeated and randomized to look like a complex uncertain mess!
But that’s OK. Isn’t it?
Because there is a beauty in this messiness, unpredictability and the coexistence of Happy-Unhappy paradoxes, which life throws at us so that we can live Messily ever after 🙂
Minutes before sleeping when nobody is watching, judging or making an opinion about you. When you’re no more pretending and behaving in a certain way to fit in a category. When you are with you. Just with you!
In that quiet moment, when that internal monologue starts in your head… What person are you?
Are you a lost helpless man who has not figured out his life yet?
Are you a heartbroken lover from a past relationship?
Or, Does it feel like an invincible and indestructible warrior in you?
Wait for a minute here. Try to remember that moment, it is telling you something.
How does it feel? Good. Bad. Ugly. Scary?
Since the morning alarm to rushing to work, and from Facebook notifications to evening TV shows, the only quite time we get to reflect upon us is when the lights are off and you are in a semi-conscious state just before sleeping.
Unconscious and unable enough to escape from fears you keep running away and,
Conscious enough to feel the reality of the moment.
In that moment, try to listen to this internal monologue happening inside your head; It tells you a lot about your personality and how you are actually feeling under your skin.
Trust me, if you’re not the same person what you showcase to the world; and If you feel different in this silence and darkness, unlike the daytime; then you are actually living a life of self-implicated lie! or something is definitely wrong with you or your thinking pattern, which at least requires being acknowledged.
So… Leaving you with this question.
What person are you? when lights are turned off and you are about to sleep.
She packed her bag after everyone left the class, then slowly moved towards the busiest section on the campus. Consciously adjusting her clothes and fixing her hairs; None of the passers-by exchanged a “Hi” or waved to her, like she was invisible to them. Sinking further into her insecurities and taking small, steady steps she made herself to the place.
Everyone around her was Happy! They smiled, exchanged laughs with friends and shared their lunch. But being uninvited, she found a quiet corner to sit and somehow managed to separate her world from the flashy one, that danced in front of her eyes.
Lost amidst a crowd of known-unknown faces and their ignorance, she pulls out the lunch box from the satchel bag, to grab the sandwiches mother packed for her, but exactly then *Trinnnnnnnnnnnnngggggggggggg Trinnnggg Trinngggg!!*
The college bell rang and the recess was over!
Late in the morning, while I was walking to the home on the footpath, under the trees avoiding the bright hot sun and my eyes stuck on my phone, I felt like somebody was in my way and I looked up. There was this security guard standing, probably in his mid 30’s in a blue jersey and neatly combed hairs, with an open container of his lunch box in one hand and rest containers and his cap, strategically placed on the bench in front of him.
And exactly when I was crossing him, he brought the container close enough to his face and smelled the aroma for few long seconds, like he was waiting to have his lunch since the morning and he doesn’t care about anything else at that moment.
It was one of those shiny metal Lunch boxes that have one container above another, secured by tension clips at the side, and wrapped in a transparent polybag which looked greasy yellow, probably because the oil from Curry had leaked into it.
Such a gesture of pure simple love towards his food from this random person, makes me think either Food is something very important and pleasurable in this man’s life or I take it for granted in mine, because I don’t remember the last time I did something like this.