How Romantics killed Romance

One of my favorite thinkers “Alain de botton” a Swiss-born British author argues on “How Romanticism Ruined Romance” and “How Love is not about finding the perfect match

He says

Love is the search for a feeling

, an instinct that tells us this person is “the one”. He argues that when we’ve found this illusive feeling and on basis of which we continue on to making one of the life’s most important decisions: marriage.

BUT, the “Romantics” notions were far from rational; they were based on ideas and finding perfection in another human being.

The Romantics believed that men and desire to be guided by emotions rather than the social establishments. The late 18th century poets and writers over fantasized notion of a soul mate, that you are destined from birth to romantic love which is going to be delivered by a partner with whom we will live happily ever after.

De Botton says – We are not living in the 18th Century anymore, so why do we continue to foster these romantic notions?

The Greeks, according to him, believed that

Love was a situation of teacher and student

and that

Love is about learning to be compatible over time

and helping the other human grow and develop.

I believe which is the reason the marriages and relationships were more successful in our parents or Grandparents generation.

Maybe they weren’t as influenced by the over fantasized and Oversold romanticism; Soulmates theory and the Romance genre in the libraries like “we” are.

Instead, of finding a perfect person they worked towards their compatibility and which lead to deep and meaningful relationships that lasted.

Love is NOT finding the perfect person for you


Read and listen more him and his thought process and arguments he makes on following links –

Book of life

Isn’t our Life is like a well-read book….. ?

…..with each turning page, one side of book gets thicker and heavy with memories from Good-Ugly chapters; some engaging and thought stimulating pages that were read more than once; and few which were meant to be skipped……

……while, on the other side… a leaner stack of unturned pages still holding unexplored avenues, unresolved mysteries and unwrapped bundle of wonderful possibilities.

Simple Observations: The best swing in the world

Distracted by a childish giggle my eyes followed the source. I see a female playing with her child under the shade of a tree, next to a huge pile of Coarse sand; looks like she is a construction worker assisting her husband with his work.

She had built a swing using some ropes, on a low hanging branch of the tree;  and the child was holding the swing ropes tightly with his small muddy hands very happily.

The women pulled the swing towards her body and released it to gain some momentum and child laughed and giggled harder.

She returns to her husband who is preparing a concrete mixture with the shovel and they looked at each other with gleaming smiles, like in one of those proud parent moments;  absorbing happiness of their child on a not so fancy but, the best swing in the world!