How Romantics killed Romance

One of my favorite thinkers “Alain de botton” a Swiss-born British author argues on “How Romanticism Ruined Romance” and “How Love is not about finding the perfect match

He says

Love is the search for a feeling

, an instinct that tells us this person is “the one”. He argues that when we’ve found this illusive feeling and on basis of which we continue on to making one of the life’s most important decisions: marriage.

BUT, the “Romantics” notions were far from rational; they were based on ideas and finding perfection in another human being.

The Romantics believed that men and desire to be guided by emotions rather than the social establishments. The late 18th century poets and writers over fantasized notion of a soul mate, that you are destined from birth to romantic love which is going to be delivered by a partner with whom we will live happily ever after.

De Botton says – We are not living in the 18th Century anymore, so why do we continue to foster these romantic notions?

The Greeks, according to him, believed that

Love was a situation of teacher and student

and that

Love is about learning to be compatible over time

and helping the other human grow and develop.

I believe which is the reason the marriages and relationships were more successful in our parents or Grandparents generation.

Maybe they weren’t as influenced by the over fantasized and Oversold romanticism; Soulmates theory and the Romance genre in the libraries like “we” are.

Instead, of finding a perfect person they worked towards their compatibility and which lead to deep and meaningful relationships that lasted.

Love is NOT finding the perfect person for you


Read and listen more him and his thought process and arguments he makes on following links –

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