One of my favorite thinkers “Alain de botton” a Swiss-born British author argues on “How Romanticism Ruined Romance” and “How Love is not about finding the perfect match”
Love is the search for a feeling
, an instinct that tells us this person is “the one”. He argues that when we’ve found this illusive feeling and on basis of which we continue on to making one of the life’s most important decisions: marriage.
BUT, the “Romantics” notions were far from rational; they were based on ideas and finding perfection in another human being.
The Romantics believed that men and desire to be guided by emotions rather than the social establishments. The late 18th century poets and writers over fantasized notion of a soul mate, that you are destined from birth to romantic love which is going to be delivered by a partner with whom we will live happily ever after.
De Botton says – We are not living in the 18th Century anymore, so why do we continue to foster these romantic notions?
The Greeks, according to him, believed that
Love was a situation of teacher and student
Love is about learning to be compatible over time
and helping the other human grow and develop.
I believe which is the reason the marriages and relationships were more successful in our parents or Grandparents generation.
Maybe they weren’t as influenced by the over fantasized and Oversold romanticism; Soulmates theory and the Romance genre in the libraries like “we” are.
Instead, of finding a perfect person they worked towards their compatibility and which lead to deep and meaningful relationships that lasted.
Love is NOT finding the perfect person for you
Read and listen more him and his thought process and arguments he makes on following links –
Nobody understands, when I tell them my dreams; the sacrifices and efforts I make, to pursue them. I understand that, it’s very difficult for them to perceive, weighing it with their perspectives, comparing it with their lives, and concluding based on their experiences; decisions that led them to successes or failures in their past.
In most cases, either they give me satirical smiles, doubt my abilities or tell me it’s impossible. Because they and their friends couldn’t figure it out. But, this reaction, often, seeds my sensitive mind with self-doubts and somewhat discourages me. And I know that is exactly the thing I’m not supposed to be doing.
The only way out is clearing and cutting off any said (and unsaid) opinions of these people which make me miserable, and to quiet my mind and let something from deep inside me speak to myself. What “I” believe and think of myself.
Deep inside me, a place where I don’t have to protect myself from the opinion of the outer world, where I’m aware of my abilities which I can harness and weaknesses I can overcome, where I can dream anything, be anything without getting limited by possible defeats. Where there are some moments when I feel invincible and stronger like never before. Because In that place, deep inside me I know nothing is impossible!
Souls tends to go back to,
Who feel like home.
~ N R Hart
A place where superficial me, stands face to face with myself, coming from deep inside. And, we always have a meaningful conversation. My inner self: who is courageous enough to dream big, who has bold glaring eyes and an unwavering focus; who finds every reason in the world to keep me motivated; who make me smile right at the face of adversities and convinces me that nothing can stop you! The one who believes, that no harm could come following your heart and trusting your instincts.
The place where nothing is impossible and I can be anything, and achieve anything, whatever I want in this world. Anything!
Signing off… Superficial me…